what triggers your attachment style?

A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma. Triggers are very personal; different things trigger different people. I remember at the start of my recovery process, I started to talk about and accept the abuse I had faced as a child. I did a lot of…

how i let fear erase me.

I have never made a good decision when fear is involved. Be it fear of upsetting someone, fear of facing a consequence, or fear of change. Every time I have wanted to make progress in my life, a small voice pipes up to remind me “not to get too confident”, “what will happen if you…

will you take a break?

I’ve been silent – it feels like I dropped off the face of the earth. Nothing mattered for a while, only me. I nursed my pain and I licked my wounds in the darkness. Surrounded by everything and needing nothing. The road I was on started to feel too rocky, too unstable. I needed to…

an infection of the mind

Leave one rotten piece behind and it will infect the whole basket of fruit. When you whip your self into shape, you have to whip every part of you into shape. The past week has been great. Actually, I have been having a pretty good month emotionally and mentally. Whilst I have had moments of…

re-balancing after trauma

If I rub on your arm right now several times over, you won’t react..but you might get annoyed after a while at the irritation of the feeling. Now, imagine you have a burn or a healing scar in that area and then I start rubbing it. You would immediately pull your arm back, wince at…

my battle with delayed gratification

Delayed gratification – what does this actually mean? There is a famous ‘marshmallow experiment’ conducted by Stanford University in the late 1960s and 70s. In summary, children were offered one marshmallow and told that if they waited (and didn’t eat it within a period of 15mins) then they would be given a second marshmallow. The…

why i cannot accept her shame

This past weekend I suffered a loss like no other. No-one physically died but the idea of them did. I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother. The cause of this was incessant physical, verbal and emotional abuse my siblings and I faced daily. Abuse was common in the home I grew up…

7 easy ways to boost your mood

According to the Mental Health Bulletin, nearly 5,000 black people in the UK, per 100,000 accessed mental health services in 2014-15. These figures are continuously rising as a recent BBC documentary by Keith Dube (shout out to a fellow Zimbo!), confirmed. In his documentary “Being Black, Going Crazy?”, Keith questions the mental health statistics in…

After 20+ years of facing debilitating stigmas, such as taboo discussions on abuse, emotional distress and mental health, I decided to take a leap into unchartered territory by creating a safe space where myself and select guest bloggers can share their experiences.