lessons from complex grief

Grief is a complex thing. The research states it has many stages, can be complicated based on the relationship you had with the person you lost, or can be related to losing a state of being or situation i.e. a job. It can take days, weeks, months or years to overcome. Some people never recover…

how i let fear erase me.

I have never made a good decision when fear is involved. Be it fear of upsetting someone, fear of facing a consequence, or fear of change. Every time I have wanted to make progress in my life, a small voice pipes up to remind me “not to get too confident”, “what will happen if you…

will you take a break?

I’ve been silent – it feels like I dropped off the face of the earth. Nothing mattered for a while, only me. I nursed my pain and I licked my wounds in the darkness. Surrounded by everything and needing nothing. The road I was on started to feel too rocky, too unstable. I needed to…

why loving him is toxic to your soul

I stopped believing he loved me when I felt…and saw…definitively and undisputedly, that he had no consideration for my feelings. It’s like I didn’t exist to him. That’s the moment my heart left. I left. – Anonymous Why do we love so much? Why do we love those who do not love us? It’s a…

my battle with delayed gratification

Delayed gratification – what does this actually mean? There is a famous ‘marshmallow experiment’ conducted by Stanford University in the late 1960s and 70s. In summary, children were offered one marshmallow and told that if they waited (and didn’t eat it within a period of 15mins) then they would be given a second marshmallow. The…

i am to blame for my broken relationships

Taking ownership, being accountable. What painful and terrifying things to do. More so if you are as stubborn as I am! Today I had no choice but to take several steps back and re-evaluate my intimate relationships and their subsequent failures. We’ve all heard the saying “you are the common denominator in all your failed…

why i cannot accept her shame

This past weekend I suffered a loss like no other. No-one physically died but the idea of them did. I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother. The cause of this was incessant physical, verbal and emotional abuse my siblings and I faced daily. Abuse was common in the home I grew up…

7 easy ways to boost your mood

According to the Mental Health Bulletin, nearly 5,000 black people in the UK, per 100,000 accessed mental health services in 2014-15. These figures are continuously rising as a recent BBC documentary by Keith Dube (shout out to a fellow Zimbo!), confirmed. In his documentary “Being Black, Going Crazy?”, Keith questions the mental health statistics in…

After 20+ years of facing debilitating stigmas, such as taboo discussions on abuse, emotional distress and mental health, I decided to take a leap into unchartered territory by creating a safe space where myself and select guest bloggers can share their experiences.